Ah. Disneyland. We drove down to Anaheim for a wedding on Memorial Day Weekend and we snuck in a trip to Disneyland in. Megan booked us into a motel within walking distance, which turned out to be the Alpine Inn.



Don't let the snow capped roof fool you. It was not snowing in Anaheim.



We followed the marching band into the park and made our way straight to --



the Haunted Mansion!



The "Nightmare Before Christmas" decor that had been up during our last visit was gone --



No more Jack Skellington. Just a bunch of old timey bullshit...



Yet Megan was scared.



"Ah! Lady in white dress! With an umbrella!"



"Agh! His arms are folded! Scary!"



It became a friendly and happy place once again as we passed through the Hollywood Backlot of California Adventure.*



Where Megan gave Sully a little kiss.

The hussy.



Joining us were a gaggle of Megan's college friends.



We did a run on the Big Thunder Mountain ride. Our first craptastic line of the day.



Trainz!



Here's the fake Palace of Fine Arts in California Adventure.

Just to refresh my own memory - Cailfornia Adventure is a theme park located in CALIFORNIA with the theme being CALIFORNIA. So, hey, you could be in fake San Francisco then in fake Hollywood, oh, after a quick tour of the fake wine country, then mosey into fake Santa Cruz.

Are those actual places a tourist in Anaheim can't manage to get to? Crazy world.



Here are a few overly dark pictures of us voicing cartoons.





Yay! These photos totally make sense! I absolutely know what's going on!



"Yes, Megan? Can I help you?"



Smashing your face?



Crying?



"What the hell is Megan doing?"

Good question, John.



Oh, that's right. Sunscreen. Hmmm...



Supposedly they changed It's A Small World --



Yet still same ol' same ol' --



It's the same cutesy, homemade stuff. And I love it!



Then we rode some rides.



And I took pictures of it.



For our last ride Michael rallied the troops (well, at least me and John) to Splash Mountain. It was the final ride of the day, at midnight. We were the last car. We made it. We're awesome. Remember this day.

"I will!", says my inner voice.



Then me and Megan drove home back to the Bay Area. La ti da.

*ED NOTE: This is out of order. We did California Adventure later in the day, but for the sake of whatever, it's being represented earlier in the day's timeline than actually happened. Oh no! Oh well. The only part I can claim to being in order is the fact that we arrived before we left. Other than that, shits all over the place.

Due to unforseen (i.e, work; i.e, lame) circumstances, my birthday get together was postponed. It was horrible. Oh, God - I didn't think life, the world, existence, would or even COULD go on.

Total surprise! It totally did!

"Hey, Jake! Over here!"



SNAP.

"Um. Again!"



SNAP. A little better.



We headed across the Bay Bridge to Golden Gate Fields, which is in Berkeley and not San Francisco so I can only ask, "What the fuck?"



It was $1 day at the races. Entry, parking, hot dog, beer, etc. Well, the only "etcetera" would be "soda," so the list would read: Entry, parking, hot dog, beer, and soda.



The lil' guys paced the field before racing.



I kept putting my money on this jockey, Russel Baze, a Canadian born jockey from a family of jockeys. He's won over $5 million, and he's always the favorite to win - so I played favorites.



For a spectator sport, not many spectators spectatoring. It was Sunday and part of $1 day is that every NFL game is being shown throughout the place. Lots of cracked out sports gamblers ambled about muttering and tossing losing tickets on the ground, focused on incoming scores of games and races at other tracks.



For the first race we caught, I got up close to watch the horses ushered into the starting gate -






This is my version of the winning horse crossing the finish line. It's crap, but if the Racing Form wants to employ me, shoot me an e-mail!



They removed the starting gate --



and the ambulance --



And the next race took off --



And Jake wore sunglasses on his head and there were clouds --



And the horses raced on grass and my sports photography grew a bit more with experience.





The empty winner's circle.



Is he reading a book?



We waiting for the winning horse to come by --



By blocking the handicap access zone so we could take portraits.



My self-attempt - UNSUCCESSFUL.




Jake's attempt - SUCCESS!

My awesome hat was not seen as awesome by Megan on any other day besides race day. I had special permission to wear it in public due to it's familiar look on such men as Brian Doyle Murray.



"Caddyshack" is not a horse racing film, but in certain situations if I claim similarity to any Murray brother it is an automatic win and I can do as I please.



For the final race we continued to block the handicap access to watch horse number 2 and its jockey, Russell Baze.



At the last stretch he was 2nd--



But pulled ahead to win in the final moments.



The posse made their way back to the paddock --



And Russell Baze took to the winner's circle with the owner's of the horse for photographs --



And Handshakes.




"Over here, Russell! It's me! Thanks for winning! I totally deserve this $15.30 I got for you riding a horse in a circle faster than the other guys on horses!"




I'm not sure how much the family won due to Russell's win, but I only bet $2 and got $15.



Congratulations, you are all winners. Not sure what the horse gets for his work.



Megan claimed this was her best side --





Or was this her best side?



They both look good to me. ZING!



We all walked off, happier, richer, more full of life than when we entered this fine East Bay gambling establishment. I would like to extend an offer to Daniel Stern to be the narrator of my life.



Stay Wonder(fully) Year('d),

Kevin Amold

Back in August of '08, I was asked to attend a bachelor party for a young man, Dave, who is now married.



Here is the house where the bacheloring took place.



Here is the lighting of the bacheloring party cigars.



Here is Dave sparking fire from his crotch to unleash the bachelor tonic, "tobacco smoke."



The Patron of the Bachelor, Another Dave, drank from the Wedding Chalice, that fine drink of "Bud Light."



In honor of his many friendships, the Bacheloring Dave did a ritualistic dive over barbed wire --



In many circles it is a great honor to witness such of feat. We honored the young David --




By taking turns at the jumping of the barbed wire --



Dave was proud of his friends. Their strength and courage was to be envied.



We walked the encampment, telling many stories of victories --



And humorous tales of our crushed enemies.



More Bud Light was shared, in honor of Dave's coming vows.



As we marched on we gazed at the many beach homes --



None of which were as majestic and awesome as our own.



We were brilliant. Golden. We were stars. But like any group of men, we demanded more.



We demanded a little, if not a lot, of danger.



Willing to brave the steep cliffside to stand at the ocean's mouth --



We took stock of lives and what we were willing to give to this beast.



With the mouth of the Pacific foaming at our weathered heels --




David the Bachelor spoke words to the angry sea --



"I am to marry the one I love, the one I adore! Honor me now, O'King of the Oceans!"



And the sea answered back with the mightiest waves to hit the Califiornia Coastline.



"I am appeased! Thank you O'King of the Oceans!"



After this, the waters went calm, and the party began bachelorizing once again.



The other Dave, the Best Man, took to his man's side --



To share in a toast to the mighty sea --



And give thanks to all is bountiful and good in life.



As with all bachelors, months prior to their marriage, we took part in a customary game of "Tossing Things."



We took brief pause to refill our innards with the Wedding Ale --







And offered a "Tossing" to the sea.











Once the first round of "Tossing Things" came to an end, the game began it's second incarnation, of "Tossing Things at Man."



Being the "Best Man," it was Dave's duty to take the first hit --





And take it he did, like a man.



It was now the bachelor's turn --



He took the proper distance, and watched the weapons of the sea fly his way.





After Dave won passage and permission to marry from the sea --



We ascended back into the World, to advance to the next stage of Bacheloring.



At the top of the steps, the King of the Oceans had taken human form to greet us.



Jared stayed behind, enchanted by the sound of the Old Man's voice, which was remarkably like the crashing of waves and whale calls.



David, the husband-to-be, took the path alone.



With only the promise of his betrothed waiting for him at its end.



At dusk, the fellowship reformed, and followed our friend back to the house, for more ale, for more tales of high adventure, and for Starship Troopers 2.



The next morning, we took to the rolling hills --



With jugs of water --



And pints of ales --



To participate in another bacheloring tradition --




The thwacking of white balls into distant holes.






Best Man Dave & I were given the distinguished honor of being the Guardians to the Ale --



As well as keeping watch of the husband-to-be.



After the long weekend of bacheloring, we were successful in of our bouts --



David passed all of his challenges, beat his demons, and marched through his thresholds and came out the other side, a better man - A Married Man.

***all told, this is a work of weak fiction, not to be taken seriously. No Gods or enemies were met, and/or challenged. In the end it was beers and golf in honor or friends and marriage.***

A few months back, during that part of the year folks like to call "summer," I went to Jake & Ashley's place to celebrate the 4th of July, as well as the 6th of July - Jake's 30th birthday.



Jake manned the grill and set up the mini-keg, or kegarator, or whatever you want to call. Ashley works for New Belgium, so the beer flowed amber and foamy.

Before night could even hit we tossed off a few fireworks.



They were not too spectacular during the daylight, but in the end fire is fire --



So Jake was pleased to see smoke and flame.



As for Pete?



He showed that firework a thing or two and jumped it.

"Jumpin' it here, boss."

"Jump it, Pete"




After a few more exotic thrills, like these sparklers, we took the show to the front yard --



So Jake could roll around --



And Ashley could tend to her cocktails & cigarettes.



There was plenty of darts and alcohol (God's Holy Combo) before heading backyard style yet again --




For some more fire jumping -



Fire watching --



Fire holding --




And fire side robot dancing, brought to you by Peter.



Anything flammable and explosive was lit at an arm's length --



And we celebrated another goddamn year of 4th of july's, and we welcomed Jake into his 30th year of life.

In honor of BMWs, Polo shirts, and women's heels --



I present a journey that has lived on my hard drive for over a year --



A simple story or three men and a huge shoe found in the parking garage of a Marina district bar.



Jared, ball's in your court.

And your face.

ZING!